I remember I was dating this one guy and everything was going great until we made it to the bedroom. He began sleeping over my place and whenever I made a move she kept saying she wasn’t ready and ‘not right now’. Wanting to be a gentleman I respected his wishes but after a few weeks of this when I made a move, on Monday, he said she would be ready on Friday but when Friday came he made an excuse to sleep at his grandmother’s house.
That was the last straw.
At first, I felt conflicted because I didn’t want to seem like some creep that dumped someone just because he wouldn’t put out when I wanted but on the other hand I began to think about what a long term relationship with him would be like: him using sex as a weapon, me having to beg for sex, and me just not being sexually satisfied and having the urge to cheat, I knew breaking up with him was the right thing to do.
What sealed the deal wasn’t so much that I didn’t enjoy the sex it was that he wasn’t even willing to try and I knew he wasn’t that religious so it wasn’t because of that.
Prevention is The Best Medicine
Some guys won’t tell their true feelings towards intimacy in a relationship because they are afraid of scaring their potential partner away. However, it’s better to be upfront and honest about your expectations, including intimacy, in the courting stage rather than waiting until the dating stage. It will hurt a lot less not entering a relationship than to be cheated on or dumped later on because your man is not satisfied.
Why It’s Okay to Break Up Over Intimacy
There is only one reason to break up a relationship, and that’s if continuing the relationship makes you unhappy. Some people are unhappy without enough sex, some can manage, but if one part is unhappy, that’s a good enough reason to leave.
While sex is not everything it’s an important part of a relationship. In fact, when dating in The Philippines a sign of a scammer is not wanting to have sex. We guys want a someone that enjoys sex with us. Bottoms, you deserve to orgasm too so if your guy isn’t doing it for you please be honest with him and see if you can make it work. If it’s not its probably a symptom of a bigger problem in the relationship
Guys if your partner won’t put out there’s probably a reason for it. Assuming he is not ill or extremely tired a few common reasons a person won’t put out:
- He’s a golddigger who just wants your money
- Your guy is not satisfied with your performance in bed
- He’s unhappy with you for some reason
- He’s just not that into you
The 4th one is a big one. If you’ve tried addressing his concerns and he insists everything is okay and that he’s ‘just tired’ or some other excuse the real reason you’re not getting any could be, unfortunately, that he’s just not that into you. That’s why it’s okay to break up over intimacy. You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone that isn’t into you.
It’s also better for your partner if you end it over lack of intimacy. Being cheated on is one of the worst feelings of betrayal a person can ever endure. If you are not satisfied your chances of committing such a horrendous act increase exponentially as time goes on. It should go without saying that this only applies if he’s purposely withholding sex not if he’s sick or unable to have sex for some reason.
How to Break Up With Someone Over Lack of Intimacy
Living in The Philippines I’ve broken up with guys due to lack of intimacy a few times. The best way to do it is the way that works best for you. I personally am a fan of just ripping off the band-aid.
Keep in mind before I’ve reached this stage where I’m ready to call it off I’ve made several attempts to talk to him and make sure I’m addressing his concerns to see if we can work it out. When I’m ready to end it I’ll just make sure we’re in a private setting and just tell him straight up, “I don’t think this relationship is going to work for us long term”. Then I’ll add “I want to enable you to find someone who will love you like you deserve”.
Whatever you do please don’t break up when you’re angry. Even if it’s been the 100th time he’s had a headache this month just take a deep breath and wait a day or two before making a decision. You want to make sure you’ve dotted all of your “I’s and crossed your “T’s” prior to cutting him loose.
The best way to minimize the pain to make sure he knows it’s coming. Talk to him, let him know that you’re frustrated and that the relationship cannot continue like this. If he won’t change or he changes and then quickly reverts back to his old ways then you’ve done your part.
If ever you feel guilty about it just ask yourself what is worse? You breaking up with him because you’re unhappy with the relationship or him discovering that you’re sleeping with someone else behind his back?
Prevent This From Happening Again
It’s important you both are upfront about your expectations in a relationship from the beginning. I’m not saying to talk about sex on the first conversation but once you both make the decision you want to enter into a relationship ask him what his opinion regarding intimacy is. I always ask a new guy I’m talking to what happened with her ex. Specifically why it ended. That question is a gold mine for information. If he says things like ‘oh he was a sex addict’ or something like that then you know that he most likely wasn’t satisfying him in the intimacy department. You can even be upfront and ask how often he and his last boyfriend did the deed.