When I first started having online relationships it was fun. I could talk to many different guys, we could have fun, and it was easier to fit them into my uber busy schedule (I was a full-time student + working 1/2 time). However, if you are serious about a relationship several complications can come with gay dating online.
Online Gay Relationship Tips
These tips should help you navigate the winding road of online dating.
Tip #1 Communicate Clearly
The first thing I want to say is that when dating online its important to have good communication skills. You may see the relationship as just something for fun but he may actually be in love.
Yes, you can fall in love online. I’ve had to counsel friends who were heartbroken when they found out that their online boyfriends cheated on them. As far as they were concerned it was a real relationship just as if they were dating in person.
I don’t recommend saying the “L” word unless you mean it. Even if you think he knows you’re not serious you could be dead wrong which could lead to an uncomfortable and painful situation.
If you’re just looking for fun tell him that. Trust me, it’s not difficult to find other gay men who aren’t serious.
When I was single and looking to date overseas I was upfront that I was looking for a serious relationship that could lead to marriage. It scared some people away but the right man stayed.
Tip #2 Beware of Dating Scams
This especially applies to online dating overseas. There are thousands of predators overseas in developing nations who are just waiting to take advantage of desperate men. They tend to target men over 40 and are overweight.
My partner is from The Philippines and he earns more money than I do. So I’m not saying that all guys overseas are scammers but you should be careful. Some of the signs of a romance scammer are:
- Declaring love way too quickly
- Complaining about his finances quickly into the relationship
- Doesn’t respect your boundaries
- Resists intimacy or uses intimacy as a bargaining chip
I have an entire article on signs the guy you are talking to is not serious.
Tip #3 Know When To Send Money
If you read other blogs they always say ‘don’t send money’ yet almost everyone does. If you want to date someone in a developing nation then you should be willing to send money at some point. Even if they are not a scammer the income disparity will be so high that it’s nearly impossible not to.
That doesn’t mean, however, that you should be a doormat. I wouldn’t send a penny for at least 3-6 months and frankly, he shouldn’t be asking anyway. Most of the successful international relationships I’ve seen the partner from the poorer nation never asked for money, not once.
If and when you decide to help him let it be on your terms and not because he’s complained about his finances shortly after he made you orgasm.
Tip #4 Set Aside a Time Just For Him
Assuming you’re looking for a genuine loving a relationship then an online relationship will take effort just like a real one. Your partner will want to feel loved and respected.
One of the best ways is to set aside a time just for him. When I was dating my partner I always set aside an hour a day just for him. No matter what between 10-11pm was his time. I sacrificed social events and other things just to make sure that I gave that hour to him.
It may seem like its not a big deal if you are late in calling him or you have to cancel ‘just this one time’ because you’re busy but trust me it can be. People notice little things like that even if they don’t vocalize it to you.
That’s why it’s really important not to be too ambitious and promise more time than you can give.
Tip# 5 You Must Trust Him
Trust is the foundation of any relationship and especially so in an online gay relationship. If you guys decide to be monogamous then you have to trust that he’s keeping his end of the bargain.
You can’t spoil the well by constantly asking who he’s talking to or even worse asking for his passwords to keep tabs on him. This was really hard for me as I had been damaged by some past relationships beforehand but I had a pray and meditate to be able to let go and trust him.
Now that being said if your spidey sense is telling you something’s wrong then you shouldn’t ignore that. Here are some signs he could be cheating on you:
- He’s hot and then cold-He shouldn’t be all over you emotionally and then you don’t hear from him for days on out
- Doesn’t seem as interested in you as he once did-It’s not a good sign if you notice his interest in you start to wane, or worse he’s making excuses to cut your chats short and canceling appointments.
- Not listening to you-If he keeps asking the same questions over and over after you’ve already given him the answer or he seems to be tuning you out. That could be a sign his mind is somewhere else when you guys are talking.
Tip #6 Try To Understand His Culture
Guys that date guys in Thailand, Colombia, or in the Caribbean don’t seem to have as much of a problem with this as guys who date men in The Philippines. I guess it’s because most Filipinos speak English and have a strong affinity for Americans so they think they’re just dating a brown boy in Hawaii.
Newsflash, it’s not. The Philippines is an Asian country that was colonized by Spain for nearly 400 years. Its an amalgamation of Spanish, Asian, and American cultures. That means there are some key differences you need to be aware of if you want to date someone here. Filipinos often have the passion of Latinos but the same deference to authority of most Asian cultures.
I wrote an entire book on gay dating in The Philippines if you want to know more about it.
Online dating was the right choice for me because I’m a total rice queen and men in The Philippines were just more likely to have values that aligned with my own. I have many friends who have found the love of their lives online in different countries (usually The Philippines, Thailand, or Colombia). But I have no problem saying these types of relationships are not for everyone.
If you’re the type of guy that needs to see your boyfriend in person at least once a week you may have a difficult time with online dating. You also need to take cultural considerations into account. If you’re dating someone significantly older or younger than you that adds yet another layer to work through. Read more on that in my article on gay dating with a big age gap.
That being said the rewards can be immense. Namely finding a guy that shares your value AND is attractive. Unlike back home where you usually have to choose between the two.