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Is Younger Dating Older a Thing in the Gay Community Now?

Older men being attracted to younger man has been the reality since the beginning of time. In ancient Greece pederasty, where an older man would take in a younger man usual in his teens was common place. It was expected that the older man woo the younger man with gifts or money.   In Greek mythology even the king of the gods Zeus engaged in pederasty.

“There is some pleasure in loving a boy (paidophilein), since once in fact even the son of Cronus (that is, Zeus), king of immortals, fell in love with Ganymede, seized him, carried him off to Olympus, and made him divine, keeping the lovely bloom of boyhood (paideia). So, don’t be astonished, Simonides, that I too have been revealed as captivated by love for a handsome boy.”

There are examples in many cultures of older men taking in a young man as his partner. Older gay men are attracted to younger men just as older straight men are attracted to younger women. By nature men evolved to look for signs of fertility while women evolved to look for signs of resources.

In modern times, however older men, both straight and gay, dating younger has traditionally been frowned upon almost as a form of pedophilia. But is it making a comeback? Really there isn’t that much data as gay relationships aren’t studied as much as they should be. Most of the funding goes towards HIV research things of that nature.  I did find an interesting article on the Washington Post which talks about the commonality of inter-generational gay dating:

In the gay community, it is very common for younger and older men to date. Common interests are the new demographic — not age.” I’m not exactly sure how “common” such dating is, but I’m familiar with many same-sex couples with significant age differences. Armistead Maupin (“Tales of the City”) is 27 years older than his husband; Ellen DeGeneres has 15 years on her wife. Then there’s the late novelist Christopher Isherwood and painter Don Bachardy, who had three decades between them. Bachardy was 18 when he met Isherwood; they remained together for 33 years, until the novelist’s death. Read full article

The reality is as gay men our dating pool is simply smaller. So it makes sense gay men are more willing to broaden their horizons that our heterosexual counterparts. That probably explains why according to the Williams Institute, an institute that studies the LGBT community, gay relationships are more likely be interracial than straight ones and in some cases more than half are.  Full Williams Institute Study


As monogamy takes a hold in our community we see our younger men seeking stable secure relationships. In 86% of younger couples described their relationships as monogamous compared to only 30-50% of older couples.  The same study also pointed out that 92% of singles were seeking monogamous relationships and 92% expected to marry in the future. Read the study here. Even on this website, Gay International Dating, most of the users are younger men seeking relationships with older men; the lions share for reasons other than economic gain. Is intergenerational dating a thing now? I’d say it is.
Next article: Tips for make an inter-generational relationship last


  1. mark behar

    Perhaps the major attraction for older to younger men is the biologic– younger men have high testosterone & libido levels, and are usually able to obtain & sustain erections and have multiple episodes of ejaculation within a short period of time. Older guys usually don’t, and frequently need assistance from a medication such as Viagra, Cialis, etc. to get a hard-on. Also, bottoming during anal sex is usually a cultivated interest– one does not usually start off liking anal receptive, until a person experiments and gets it “right” so to speak. Younger guys may be more interested in topping or oral, and older guys because we can’t get it up as easily, are therefore more interested in bottoming during anal. So that’s the biologic reason. But the socioeconomic one is also important. Older men “know the ropes” so to speak, have vastly more experiences, education, money, possessions, and power. Frequently, they have no kids and therefore more disposable income for vacations, etc. Younger guys have the bodies, muscles, and libido, and may be missing an older adult man as a mentor, daddy, and sometimes benefactor. Yes, there probably lots of exceptions, that we all can identify, but in my humble opinion, these are major reasons for intergenerational relationships.

  2. CEskrid

    I’ve dated guys older than me. Some experiences were nice but others weren’t. Some guys were gentlemen while others just wanted a trophy to show off to their friends. It just depends on the guy I guess.

  3. Pingback:Is Younger Dating Older a Thing in the Gay Community Now? | Gay Life After 40. com

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